I am terribly vexed...

My all time favorite movie villian is Commodus in Ridley Scott’s Gladiator. Joaquim Phoenix nails the role of the sniveling, traitorous son of Marcus Aurelius who crowns himself emperor after murdering a father who judged his character ill suited to manage an empire. Rome is ultimately restored when the general Maximus honors Marcus Aurelius’s dying wishes by executing Commodus in the Coliseum thereby enabling Rome to become a republic.

Maximus is an unforgettable character because he personifies the wish to defy tyranny. He is a man of humility whose cause is just. “Gladiator” is potent entertainment.That being said, I’ll never forget insisting it was my favorite movie ever and then watching “Ralphie” on the Sopranos declare the same thing. (Ralphie had a nasty habit of murdering people close to him- his girlfriends son, sexual partners, ect.) Nice.

I rewatched Gladiator for the umpteenth time this weekend, trying to figure it out. The stirring score, and having Ridley Scott direct certainly help- but the central strength is that Gladiator is a modern day morality play. Good triumphs over evil. 

Obviously, the audience identifies with Maximus- a man who has lost everything and then achieves redemption personally and on a global scale by executing a tyrant. His rage borne of betrayal and injustice becomes the fuel to sustain an improbable quest to bring justice to an empire.

As we sympathize with Maximus’s pain, we grow to identify with his rage. We leave the movie feeling really great. Why? Because rage is energizing. Rage we can feel righteous about is a powerful drug. Rage that allows us to transcend moral boundaries designed to facilitate civilization (yes, killing the emperor fits into this box) and feel virtuous rather than shameful is intoxicating.

So- let’s shift gears for a second. What do we make of politicians and talking heads telling us we have to kick out incumbents and take back America? Never mind that many of those incumbents were voted in two years ago after bellowing that same phrase. Many of us feel discouraged. On an individual level, our lives feel more like country western songs than the superstardom we had hoped for when we had really bad hair (I vaguely recall planning to win an academy award the same summer I discovered “Super Sun-in” ).

We have expanding waistlines, are concerned we will never own our own homes, and worry that we are no longer on the path to career success. These nagging concerns remind us that we are not the sort of heros self help materials try to convince us we can be. In fact, we know that we eat and drink a little too much, really did not need to buy a Winnebago, and should’ve studied harder instead of hanging out on facebook all night.

So- these anxiety producing thoughts bump up against what I like to call the indoctrination of personal awesomeness. Born in the seventies, I was treated to all the educational fads of the eighties- some useful (dental care pointers- YES) and some questionable (indiscriminate self esteem boosting). Like everyone in my generation and beyond, I colored worksheets with rainbows and attractive grownups telling me “YOU are special!”

Hmmm. I will be forty in four years and the last time I checked, I was not a celebrity. My thirteen year old regularly rolls her eyes and says things like, “Am I the ONLY adult around here?” Skinny jeans...well let’s just say they are best left for skinny people. And there is no way I could support my family of four children in suburbia without the financial assistance of an ex husband. Not feeling so awesome. 


Somehow, when I played Wonder Woman in kindergarten, I didn’t factor in having to get along with an ex husband. It never occured to me I might not succeed at whatever I put my mind to becoming. It's as if I operated under an unspoken system of quid pro quo- I got to enjoy the fruits of being a good girl if I became a God-fearing woman and a mother who created a loving home and somehow managed to achieve superstardom in the 12.5 seconds a day little people were not treating me like a jungle gym. 

Suffice it to say, my perfect little fantasy of world domination through being such a "nice girl" came crashing down when I found myself a single mother at 32. Divorce rocked my world and I could not avoid a very uncomfortable fact. My marriage failed, despite many hard years of trying to save it. My awesomeness did not protect me. So I understand a bit when people say they “hit bottom”. The bottom for me was realizing that I was not immune to misfortune and no amount of righteous indignation could restore my fantasy of “good girl = perfect life”.  

As much as I am embarrased to admit this, I think I've been high on vicarious righteous indignation when I delighted in “My name is Maximus Decimous Meridimous, blah blah, loyal servant to the TRUE emperor Marcus Aurelius, father to a murderered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my VENGEANCE, in this life or the next!” 

That may have felt good and is a fine place to be while you are double fisting popcorn in a movie theatre, but it’s really not the most useful emotion when you need to build a future. While rage was constructive for a Roman General with legitimate evil to fight, I am woman who enjoys more resources than most of the world has who can't legitimately complain my life is so much harder than it should be. The task before me? Building a productive future after accepting that I have passed the age limit to try out for American Idol and my that ex husband “is not that into me”. While the cognitive dissonance from school age programming bumping into my disappointments may cause me discomfort, it does not neccessarily mean I need to go kick some ass.

Instead, I need to accept my future will be largely shaped by my willingness to work within the realm of reality. People are not going to give me things because I am so much more special than everyone else. My acting like a goody two shoes does not mean I get ushered to the front of every line. Getting mad at the fact life did not play out the way I hoped it would is pointless. Instead, taking some time to evaluate the things I did to contribute to my own unpleasant outcomes, and then trying to make better choices is the only way to a better life.

Now, I’m not getting all confessional because I want you to start sending me the latest book with a gleefully bossy bald man on the cover who has the key to fixing my life. It’s because the lesson I've learned is : The self esteem movement that taught me and the rest of America I could have anything I wanted because I AM SPECIAL is waaaaay off base.

Instead of “giving us wings” as a generation- it bred a sense of entitlement that has two main outcomes: extremely irritating narcissistic behavior, and/or a disbelief that sometimes we don’t get what we want and consequent unwillingness to "roll with the punches". As the economy shudders and it’s pretty clear we are no longer the lone superpower, America as a whole must come to grips with its lack of awesomeness. So far, that reality does not seem to compute.

If we don’t face the music, and we just rage against reality to we soothe our souls with the drug of righteous indignation, we are moving seriously off base. Are we all “Maximus”? When our homes get foreclosed on because we took too big of a gamble, will we meet an overdressed emperor in a dusty arena and solve our lack of liquidity by “sticking it to the man?”

Or- dare we explore that perhaps we as a nation are in trouble- not from injustice outside our borders or as a result of a scheme by a newly exposed scapegoat du jour, but in the individual choices we Americans have made that have coalesced to form our current crisis?

Is it possible that identifying with Maximus and adopting his fatalistic lawlessness is the exact opposite of how we will “restore America”? Here’s an unpleasant thought- we may have more in common with Commodus right now.

Before you roll your eyes at my self flagellation turned anti American rant- consider the scene where Commodus murders his father, Marcus Aurelius, when he learns he has been passed over as heir to the throne. With a perfect mix of self pity and rage, Commodus snivels, 

“You wrote to me once- there were four chief virtues: Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance. I knew I had none of these- but I have other virtues: ambition, resourcefulness, courage (not on the battlefield, but there are many kinds of courage), and devotion to my family.” Then, when the aged emperor reaches out to embrace his bitter son, the music swells and Commodus commits the ultimate treason. His blinding rage compels him to smother his father and ensure his own power.

So- America- in these days where we have to accept that we can’t always get what we want (or in many cases, what we need)- we have a choice. Which set of virtues will we aspire to? Will we negotiate a reorganization of global and domestic power with wisdom, justice, temperance, and fortitude? 

Or will we scream against tyranny in the form of the political party we do not favor and oppose their every effort as we rage against life turning out differently than our “awesomeness” entitled us to? Will we feel justified in blindly destroying the genuine efforts of others as we celebrate our *ambition* in the sense we pursue prosperity above all because it is our birthright? What about *resourcefulness*? Because noone knows resourceful more than a political operative with a nose for dirt. Do we have the sort of *courage* that compels us to send individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds who are not considered responsible enough to legally drink alcohol to serve as our henchmen in world affairs that we have no right to interfere in? Finally- are we so *devoted to family*- be it blood or something larger- patriotism- that we consume more than our share of world resources and judge other lives to be less precious than our own?

There is a time and a place for anger. After all, even Jesus went apeshit on the Pharisees every now and again so I’m not suggesting we all sit around singing kum bah yah as we starve to death. I’m just saying- let’s examine the indignation we feel from the very legitimate disappointments we feel as a nation before we default to rage. Rage compelled a spoiled child to murder the father who gave him life because he was blinded by a sense of entitlement.

Let’s ask ourselves, “What part of this discomfort I feel is my doing, and how can I help my country as it faces middle age?” Our glory days don’t have to be over- we just need to locate our collective will to reinvent ourselves without compromising national character.

we're mad as hell and if you can tell us why, that'd be GREAT!

I love September because after Labor Day, the general public starts paying attention to politics as races begin to heat up for November elections. As a political junkie, I see my “fringe” interest take center stage. It’s kind of like being a Star Trek fan and having a two month window in which it’s socially acceptable to debate whether Captain Kirk handled the Klingons appropriately.

As someone who fully accepts that my love of political minutae makes me the person to hide from at a cocktail party unless I button my lip about current events and reference the People magazine I devoured in a waiting room last week, I’m given a temporary pass to speak freely. So- while I feel that that “Changing Lanes” is an innappropriate forum to make political endorsements, I would like to share a growing concern.

Somehow, politics as usual has shifted from “We the people” to “We the Really Angry people”. There is always dissent in the form of different perspectives- that is not what I am talking about. It’s a general tone of rage that simmers beneath the surface as individuals try to get the masses to see it their way. 

America is in a bit of a rough spot right now. Despite Obama’s efforts to do all he can to keep the Jumbo Jet of the United States Economy from crashing into a cornfield, he hasn’t reached a place where he can radio air traffic control to say “We have stabilized and are resuming course, over and out...”

There are brilliant talking heads who think that Obama’s stimulus efforts have been lackadasical. Other people who are smarter than I will ever be think Obama has meddled far too much and has sent the country on a downward spiral to socialist hell. As a person who thinks and reads, but certainly considers myself an authority on nothing, (except, perhaps the use of a wet dry vaccum because of the quantities of children and animals living under my roof) this is very troubling. 

Everybody talking about politics on TV seems to think that America’s problems are someone elses fault. The economic crisis that is causing the town of Hingham (along with the rest of the nation) to make painful cuts in services is because the other side screwed up. It seems like the everpresent goal of those political commentators is to talk louder and louder until the charge of “bad person who ruined America” sticks to someone who can be stripped of all power and publicly humiliated so the United States can get back to feeling like the preeminent superpower of all things. 

Obama’s “Hope and Change” posters have been quietly stored away by smart people who know that they will be worth more on Ebay if they haven’t been defaced. Now, only the parodies of the original posters with the striking red, white and blue graphics and a single word sentiment can be found. When I see these (and they are everywhere) it doesn’t make me think “heh heh heh. Obama’s dumb.” Rather it seems to me that copying someone’s campaign poster and substituting a word like “Loser” in place of “Hope” is best left to campaigns for junior high student council. 

But here’s the thing. Political operatives are not in middle school and they know exactly what they are doing. They are employing “It’s someone elses fault” rhetoric that is both seductive and powerful. For anyone looking to explore the psychology of this, I highly recommend Drew Westens’s 2008 book “The Political Brain”. This message is seductive to a nation that can not avoid the messages of low self esteem that maxed out credit card statements are sending. It’s a lot easier to get mad at someone for screwing America up instead of trying to break down a complicated problem rationally.

This rhetoric is powerful because it changes listeners who are paralyzed by a diffuse sense of despair into angry warriors against tyranny. Coalitions of individuals are assembled when they answer yes to the following questions:  “Are you unhappy with your lot in life? Are you scared about the future? Do you believe in God?” I will not name names or networks, but ask yourself if you’ve heard something like this as you channel surf.

“America is full of God fearing hard working folks who are being squeezed to death by powerful elites. (then insert some sort of disparaging or sarcastic remark about limosine liberals, Octomom, wall street/main street to break the spell of wounded self pity) The time has come to stand up and TAKE BACK AMERICA!”

My question: Take back America from what? Is there an invisible King Kong going around gobbling up jobs and foreclosing on houses? Is it King Kong that our tax dollars are funding? Is the ultimate solution to form a Lilliputian horde and tackle this great beast, tie him down, and force him to obey the constitution?

The sinking conclusion I have come to as I have watched the Obama administration barely tread water in this political climate is that America has some pretty big structural problems that can not be solved with the quick fix of sending a really handsome truck driving man to Washington. Focusing our rage solely upon incumbent politicians seems about as effective as dropping f bombs to the car next to us while we are both stuck in traffic.

Governing close to 300 million people, fighting multiple wars (please don’t tell me that the Afghanistan war is over despite recent press efforts to make it seem like it is), and figuring out how to come out on top in a complicated global economy are challenges our founding fathers never had to face. I suspect that if we had the privilege of asking them to help us out they would offer us some interesting insights about national character after taking the time to gather a lot of information that would explain how we the people had made such a mess of things.

I have a hard time imagining that they’d grandstand on the steps of national monuments, grow apopleptic with rage at the misdeed of a single politician, and implore America to “stand up against tyranny.” My sense is that if I had the privilege of encountering Thomas Jefferson and getting his take on helping America he’d say something simple about individuals taking responsibility for themselves.

Instead of encouraging a movement of national rage, my hunch is that the founding fathers would encourage a different emotion. Humility. Because only when we take responsibility for the part we personally play in our failing economy, are we capable of deconstructing the complicated moving pieces of a giant machine moving in the wrong direction. 

So- God bless America. May we have the courage to face what comes next.

Welcome to the Revolution

Ok-
First of all- thanks for checking this out. I haven't had a blog before, mostly because I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested in reading it. But man- I'm concerned about America- and not because I think people should go back to the fifties. It's because we have become addicted to rage in the political sphere, and there are some very troubling implications for the way this influences voter behavior. While I don't have all the answers, I am dedicated to locating the questions we need to be asking ourselves as our national character slowly shifts to a place of entitled nationalism. I hope you find this to be thought-provoking, or at the very least, amusing, because really- if you can't laugh at life's absurdities you might as well stick your head in an oven... or, failing that, watch Fox News for an entire day.

I will deal several broad themes:

1) politics (I am a libertarian) and how my perspective informs my reaction to history as it is happening.
2) being a single mother of 4 and how that impacts my world view- I am looking 20-50 years down the road.
3) current political thought- both academic and pop culture- books and other forms of media that are making me think
4) and the personal faith that pulls me through when I'd just as soon barricade myself in a deserted cabin and obsessively mutter my second amendment rights. I consider myself a Christian but I think I have been voted off the Island by many Christians for my pesky habit of questioning things like the conservative need to persecute homosexuals- so to avoid doctrinal hairsplitting I am defining FAITH as my conviction that I need to love God with all my heart soul, mind, and strength, and that I am called to love my neighbor as myself. Applying these principles to the messiness of 21st century is why I am continually "working out my faith with fear and trembling..."

These themes intersect when I think about the world my kids will inherit. While I've been to Tea Party rallies (and have even let all four children skip school for one) and identify with voter disenchantment, I really don't like the angry tone of the talking heads who seem to get the most coverage. The principle of fiscal responsibility that this movement was founded upon seems to have been hijacked by a diffuse sense of "things are wrong in America and let's whoop someone's ass to feel better". Glenn Beck's attitude of self righteous, simplistic, sarcastic disdain for others who don't think like he does all wrapped up in a message of God and country terrifies me with its growing popularity. Rage seems to be the flavor of choice... yet undisciplined rage is incredibly dangerous on a national scale because it is so easily manipulated.

Celebrity culture, economic instability, and an uninformed public could easily coalesce into a situation where impulsive and emotion driven voters are manipulated into voting a fascist into office- a fascist who talks about freedom (meaning of course- you are free to hate anyone who is different than you) and satisfies national insecurity by scapegoating marginalized groups. Immigrants (in the process of becoming legal who are looking for their piece of the American dream) strike me as an obvious target. Why is this so troubling? If the quote "Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it" resonates with you, I ask you to consider Germany in the early 1930's. It was a humiliated nation that had suffered a loss in global power, was financially overextended, and had a population full of angry, God fearing people looking for a savior to make Germany great again. The German population wanted to feel great, and in their rage filled desire to be the greatest nation they chose a charismatic leader to lead them there...

As we are tempted as a nation to parrot the words of our favorite political talking heads, our national character is in a similar place. Rage, not careful deconstruction of what went wrong seems to be the answer the public is looking for as we confront our declining superpower status. So- my title "The Cheerful Revolutionary" is chosen because I don't think America will stay great unless its passion is redirected from destructive anger towards hope that fuels well thought out solutions for the political landscape our leaders now face, both at home and abroad. For those of you who are rolling your eyes thinking that I am Obama 2.0 and this is just more "hope and change" kaka, I can assure you it is not. I have serious issues with his alliance with corporate interests over those of a struggling middle class. The solutions I will focus on are ideas that can be implemented on a community or state level and deal less with rhetoric than connecting individuals who can barter services as way of bypassing red tape, questionable currency, and political rhetoric. For example: putting our seniors to work in schools to accumulate credits that will give them tax abatements and medical care... and teaching high schoolers the value of their high school education by making them earn it through community service...

I am a mother who knows that tantrums don't work- they just waste time and allowing them creates spoiled brats. America has been having a temper tantrum because the prosperity we considered our birthright is on life support. We can stomp our feet about it, or we can start thinking up ways to reallocate resources we still possess in a way that will conserve resources so that we have more energy to make the world a better place. A period of national humility is crucial as we reexamine what makes a nation "great" in the 21st century. So let's shut our pieholes about people taking away our freedom as we accumulate more and more debt because "We're worth it". And then let's get to work so our kids have good reason to be "proud to be an American".